This is what happens when you have too much time to think, because you can’t leave your desk, but you have nothing to do, and it’s not your personal computer, so you can’t fuss with your millions of files and photos and mp3s.
You start thinking of all the little things you’ve ever wanted to do. Or be. A to-do list for your life, your being, begins to develop. All the little things that have been nagging at you, like “You should really do this!” And you want to do them.
But somehow, you never are able to find the time. There are too many responsibilities, too many, that always find a way to get in the way.
But that sounds like an excuse. Maybe it is true that we make time for the things that matter to us. I mean, that is true. In the sense that I love everything that I’m doing right now and everyone I have been spending time with.
But I want to do so much more. Always. I really mean it when I say that I wish there were more hours in the day. I know I wouldn’t use them to finally get the sleep I need. No, I would use them to do more.
I have this perpetual feeling like I’m never doing enough. While simultaneously, I know I’m doing more than most people my age. More than most people, probably. Which sounds confident in an awkward way to me (I don’t like bragging in any way shape or form), but I’m guess I’m just trying to acknowledge realities here.
Dream big, I always have. It’s a blessing and a curse all at the same time. I hold such high expectations for myself. I want to do everything, and I want to do everything well.
I’ve yet to figure out how. How does one make such a drastic shift in one’s life to include all the things they’re already doing with all the things they still really want to do? Like cook more, eat better, work out, write more, read more, DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING MORE. (And those are just the minute yet important goals.)
I don’t know. I don’t.
Maybe today marks the day where I start trying to integrate new things consciously. Today begins my active quest in finding the time to do everything I’ve ever wanted to do.